The traditional rules of manners, civility and politeness are a time-proven, very effective code of relational skills. With my audiences I re-discover and adapt this precious resource to today’s needs. A cornerstone of my talks is that being civil is both the decent thing to do and the expedient one. Civility and good manners are areas of human behavior where altruism and self-interest merge. Social skills are a precious asset: They allow us to enjoy harmonious social interactions as they strengthen social bonds. Strong social bonds are necessary for the building and maintenance of social support and also crucial to success at work. Building upon the notion that life is an experience in relating and connecting, my talks aim at improving the quality of both personal and professional lives.
My basic talk has nine points:
1 A definition of civility and the three major arguments for choosing to be civil
2 Incivility and its costs, civility and its rewards
3 The four major causes of incivility
4 How to be at our best with others
5 The physiology of conflictual and harmonious encounters
6 Fostering a culture of civility in the workplace
7 The two ways to be successful in life
8 Strong, smart and nice
9 The future of empathy and relational skills
Individual points receive more or less emphasis according to specific audience needs. In general, however, my focus is on the connections among civility, ethics and quality of life. I believe that the quality of our lives depends to a large extent upon the quality of our relationships. Since our relational skills improve our relationships, they are quality-of-life determinants. Better relationships mean lower levels of stress, hence relational skills help us achieve mental and physical health. How to go about improving relationships through relational skills is a core concern of mine.
My talks are often geared towards the dynamics of workplace interaction. I believe that quality of service depends on the quality of life of those providing the service, and that a civil workplace improves the quality of life of its workers. Crucial questions are: How do you respond to incivility in the workplace? How do you minimize the opportunities for incivility to happen in the first place? Whan can organizations do? My talks are for all employees, including executives. Being civil is a necessary part of the cognitive and emotional kit of today's successful professional. Relational competence is of the essence for leaders in the age of management by consensus and in our increasingly diverse workplace.
I see our daily existence as defined by the encounter of Self and Other. The presence of others around us shapes our identities, gives us meaning and purpose, and determines—for better or worse--the quality of our lives. If life is indeed relational, it follows logically that to thrive we need relational skills. What these skills are, what they can do for you, and how to put them to use is all part of my talks.
Workshops
In my workshops I present in a more interactive way the fundamental information I convey in my talks. I also address specific needs of the inviting organization. About 30 participants is the ideal maximum number. Part of my talk and workshop material comes from my book Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct (St. Martin’s Press, 2002).
Southern Conference of Bar Presidents, Annapolis, MD, September 26, 2008
Maryland Library Association, Ocean City, MD, May 15, 2008
McDonogh School, Baltimore, MD, April 8, 2008
SMILE-Sponsored Talks, Spokane, WA, March 19-21, 2008
University of Maryland School of Nursing, March, 17, 2008
Dept. of Neurology, U. of Maryland, Baltimore, MD, February 27, 2008
Dept. of Neuroradiology, Johns Hopkins U. Med. Ins., Baltimore, MD, February 21, 2008
International Association of Protocol Consultants, Washington, DC, May 19, 2007 Charlotte Latin, Charlotte, NC, April 10, 2007 University of West Georgia, Carrolton, GA, March, 14, 2007 Leadership Howard County, Columbia, MD, February 22, 2007
University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, NC, November 15-16, 2006
Baton Rouge Area Foundation, Baton Rouge, LA, October 25, 2006
University of Massachusetts Medical School, Worcester, Mass., September 28, 2006
Mount Union College, Alliance, OH, September 6, 2006
Cleveland Heights Civility Project, Cleveland Heights, OH, August 15-16, 2006
International Association of Protocol Consultants, Washington, DC, May
6, 2006
Frends of the University of Wisconsin Libraries, Madison, WI April 19, 2006
Community College of Philadelphia, Philadelphia, PA, April 7, 2006 Visual Resources Association, Baltimore, MD, March 7, 2006 Johns Hopkins HealthCare, Glen Burnie, MD, March 2, 2006
Towson University, Towson, MD, February 10, 2006
Space Telescope Science Institute, Baltimore, MD January 31, 2006
American University, Washington, DC, January 26, 2006
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